


Moving On

by mothmanaintshit



Series: Atashi Adaar x Cullen [8]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Little Fluff, Physical Disability, Post Trespasser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 06:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4909189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothmanaintshit/pseuds/mothmanaintshit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Post Trespasser]<br/>Atashi deals with the loss of her arm after returning to Skyhold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> captain-de-lorenzo from tumblr (and DA) won first place in my 400 followers giveaway and this was her prize c: Enjoy~

#  ** Moving On **

Atashi sat in the stables with Asala at Skyhold. She was numb, not physically but mentally. Everything was fuzzy, wrong. Her arm was…Her eyes trailed down to the stump, staring blankly at the folded article of clothing. So much had happened the past month. The Council, the Qunari attack,  _Solas_ …and now the anchor, her arm. She didn’t foresee her visit to the Winter Palace going exactly as planned, nothing ever does go as planned for her, but losing the only thing that still connected her to  _anything_  of status was the last thing she thought would happen. And Solas…Gods, she did not see that one coming. He was Fen’Harel, it explained so much about him. Why he left, how he seems to know everything there was to know about anything involving the Fade and the Veil…he created it. Her eyes turned to stare up at Skyhold. And this was his fortress,  _once_ , millennia’s ago. She was honored now, to be able to use the fortress her friend had once called home, but she also felt betrayed. He knew everything about her, she felt his presence in her dreams sometimes. Her eyes moved back to her bicep, her lips falling into a frown. He could have taken the anchor from her, come back just to do so before her arm would be consumed by it’s magic. He wasn’t that powerful when they had last spoken, but he did not become that powerful in a matter of seconds. He could have come back, told more lies and taken the mark, and left her arm where it was meant to be.

Asala’s ears twitched, moving her head to look at Atashi while whining. Atashi looked back at Asala and forced a smile, scratching the nuggalopes horns.

“Sorry, girl.” Atashi murmured, moving to the stable doors. “I’ll be back later.” Asala whined, stomping her feet and nudging Atashi’s back.

“Hey!” Atashi caught herself on the stable door before falling, glaring back at her friend. She pulled herself up and hissed at the nuggalope, “You can’t just do that anymore, Asala! You could have seriously hurt me!”

The Nuggalope took a step back, dipping her head in submission. Atashi growled and ran her hand through her hair before kicking the stable door shut behind her. She had no time to deal with that stupid thing.

“ _Someone’s a little tense_.” Dorian’s voice rang from the crystal in her back pocket. Atashi frowned, pulling out the crystal and hissing back, “Doesn’t this thing have an off button? Or silence?”

“ _No, Atashi, it doesn’t_.” Dorian sighed. “ _You know you could have said ‘no’ if you didn’t want the crystal._ ”

Atashi stopped walking, her shoulders slumping at Dorian’s words, “You know…I—I didn’t mean…”

“ _I know, ‘Tashi_.” Atashi frowned and trudged up the stairs, looking away from the crystal. She stuffed it in her back pocket again once in the main hall, neither Dorian or her said another word and the last thing she wanted to do right now was talk. She walked past the empty fireplace where Varric once played Wicked Grace with her, past the drapes Sera set on fire before leaving Skyhold, past the exit to Josephine’s office. She ignored the forced  _‘hellos’_  from the visiting dignitaries as she walked past them, ignored the annoyed grunts and eye rolls from them as well. They didn’t understand, and she didn’t feel like explaining.

She made her way up the tower to her room, kicking the door shut behind her and locking it. She did not wish to be disturbed. She took the crystal from her back pocket as she walked up the stairs and placed it on her desk, pulling a drawer open before sliding it in and shutting it.

_Finally, silence._

Or so she thought. Cullen had hidden away on her balcony, leaning against the door frame when she turned around. Atashi frowned and pulled herself onto her desk as Cullen stepped towards her, a noticeable frown on his scarred lips. Her eyes moved from him, anywhere but him. She couldn’t look at him, not when he was disappointed in her…she was disappointed in herself already.

“At—”

“Don’t.” She cringed at the sound of her own voice. Harsh and cold, one of the two things she didn’t want to be. She shut her eyes and let her head fall into her hand, shaking her head. “I—I’m sorry, Cullen… I just  _can’t_.”

“Can’t what?” He furrowed his brows, tilting his head. “I just wanted to talk.”

“I know what you’re going to talk about.” She mumbled, blowing some hair from her face. “I just… I don’t want to talk about it yet… I’m not ready to.”

“Atashi, my love,  _please_.” He stood in front of her, placing his hands on her thighs. “I just want to help.”

“You can’t help with this, Cullen!” She laughed dryly, annoyed, her eyes narrowing down at her husband. The air was full of electricity, and neither was sure if it was from her magic or her spike in emotion. “Stop trying to help me… I don’t need your pity.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” His eyebrows raised in disbelief, he shook his head, taking a step back and turning. “The last thing I have ever done was  _pity_  you, Atashi. How could you even say—”

“Everyone else is!” She hissed, falling from the desk and wrapping her arm around her stomach. She frowned, looking down at her stub of an arm. She hated this, she was limited to do even simple stances. “They think I don’t hear them, their whispers, their crude drawings, their pitiful gaze under those stupid fucking masks – but I hear  _everything_ , I see  ** _everything_**. I  _know_  everything that happens in this fortress now, I will  _not_  be scared and defenseless anymore.”

Cullen turned abruptly, staring confusedly at Atashi, “Anymore? Atashi…how long…?”

“How long do you think?” She spat, waving around her left bicep. “I don’t have an arm anymore, Cullen! I’m not as powerful as I once was, I am always on defense – even in my own god damn fortress! I shouldn’t feel this way!  _It isn’t fair_!” Her shoulders slump, shaking with her sadness. She would not cry in front of him, she couldn’t. She was strong. She couldn’t…not in front of him. Cullen’s face softened, moving towards her and taking her hand in his. 

“You will  _always_  have my arm, Atashi.” Cullen murmured, placing a kiss upon her gloved hand. “It isn’t magical, I can’t throw fire balls or call upon a storm, but I can fight—I do fight, for you,  _Dragon_.” Atashi’s lip twitched at Cullen’s nickname for her, he hadn’t used that in months…

“I appreciate the thought, Cullen, and I know you do…but it isn’t the same.” She pulled her hand from Cullen and rested it on her shoulder, frowning. “Your hand, arm,  _whatever_  you offer me isn’t what I need, or want.”

She immediately regretted her words, seeing the hurt and taken back expression on his face.

“W—Wait, that isn’t…” She growled, face palming herself. “Fuck, I can’t do this! Cullen, I do want what you offer, just…”

Cullen took a step back, dipping his head to her. “Understood, Inquisitor. If you need me, I will be in my office.”

“Cullen—”

“Sorry to have disturbed you.”

And with that he left, leaving her in a room that she once felt safe in. She suddenly felt everything but safe in this room. 

“ _Cullen_ …” She whispered, shutting her eyes and clenching her teeth together to keep her from crying.

* * *

She sat in bed, frowning down at the necklace with her wedding ring tied to it in her palm. The clasp had broken off while she calmed herself after speaking to Cullen and she was too embarrassed to ask for help fixing it. Did Dagna even know how to do it? There was no way she was asking Herriot…Josephine, maybe? Cass? Perhaps… Atashi sighed, wrapping her fingers around the cold metal. Did she just fuck everything up with Cullen? Yes, she did. She knew it would happen soon or later, sooner was better…less pain. She was already numb. Atashi leaned back against the head board, tilting her head down to her horns didn’t scrap against the brick. Her ears twitched when she heard her door open, moving her eyes over to the staircase as a familiar figure made his way up the stairs.

“Cullen!” She breathed happily, sitting up in bed. He looked at her wirily, but a small smile did show on his face as he made his way forward. He shed his sword, placing it on the couch before ridding of his armor. He crawled into bed next to her and sat, sitting Indian style and facing her. His own wedding ring hung on his chest, the silver shinning in the dim light. He noticed her missing one and she held out her hand, a small blush on her cheeks.

“I think my magic might have broken the clasp… I lost control of my emotions after you…” Her voice trailed off, averting her eyes from Cullen as he took the necklace from her. He examined the clasp and nodded.

“You scorched the chain but it won’t be hard to fix.” He said, leaning over the side of the bed and setting the necklace on the nightstand. She hummed, leaning forward and frowning.

“C—Cullen, I wanted to—”

“You don’t need to apologize.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the blanket. “I…I understand, sort of. You…You relied a lot on the anchor, not just for the magic but it was the only thing keeping people from… _reacting_  differently to you. It kept you alive.”

Atashi kept her sarcastic comment to herself, knowing that Cullen was fully well trying to express how he thought she felt. He was pretty spot on as he continued speaking. The anchor granted her powers that were now gone from her, the anchor was the only thing keeping her Rift Magic from disappearing. With that gone, she couldn’t even create a simple Veil Pull. She and Dagna had worked hard on coming up with a way for her to create a Stone Fist extension of her arm, but once they realized that that magic was gone it became pointless to even continue the idea.

“I don’t want you to feel unsafe.” He looked back at her finally. “This is your fortress and the last place you should feel unsafe,  _Dragon_. This shouldn’t be another Haven. I…” He chewed on his bottom lip, looking over at his sword.

“I had an idea while in my office.” He confessed, a sheepish smile on his face. “I know you’ve wanted to get familiar with the sword again. The past couple of years you’ve been more focused on finding Solas than training with me and the recruits…I thought I might take a little time with you every day and reestablish your relationship with a sword.” 

“Your going to train me?” She raised an eyebrow, looking over at the sword. “Even if I get snippy and start breathing fire at you?” 

“Well, I didn’t give you the name Dragon because of your horns.” He smirked, taking her hand in his. “I want you to feel safe again, love. And, for both of us, this is step one to your recovery.”

She smiled and lifted her hand away from his, pulling him in for a kiss.

“I love you,  _Lion_.” She pressed his forehead to his, her thumb lightly brushing against his stubble.

He chuckled, pressing his lips against her again. “I love you too,  _Dragon_.”


End file.
